Balancing the self and the other

An important and sometimes troubling thing for me has been a basic need for belongingness that in some way is fundamental to the human condition. This need, when left unmet or inadequately met, leads to the miserable feeling of being out of place. This need for belongingness is what generates the need to measure up to the standards of the immediate surroundings, and also the anguish that a failure to do so leads to. The opposite of this are the pleasures and advantages of being alone, the opportunity to reflect and truly know oneself, and measure oneself against standards set by self. The question then is: How does one manage these two seemingly contradictory needs of human existence? I guess we must appreciate that these may not be contradictory, but instead they could complement each other. It would take great skill and wisdom to carry standards of different nature and manner continuously in one's mind, such that they reflect a healthy balance of external and internal standards. The key, I think, is to have a strong sense of centre, while intermittently enjoying and entertaining the sense of belonging to communities and collectives (defined by any of the identities we carry), and the sense of loneliness, in some sort of a musical repetition or a wave pattern. This way we could enjoy the privileges of both by treating them as two sides of the same coin of life that, in a way, complement and complete each other to create harmony in life. Though I feel true happiness comes from such balance, rhythm and harmony in every aspect of our life, finding a such balance is not easy. Each one of us has to find his/her own ways of achieving this balance. One thing is clear, we usually do not have the luxury of stopping to find the best balance. We have to find our answers as we move. Life, as Einstein said, is like a bicycle; to keep the balance, we need to keep moving.